Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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