Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
