I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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