Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
