I should be sponsored by Trojan
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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