You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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