you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
