I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
