i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
