They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
