Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
