There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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