Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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