Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
