I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dicks are not precious.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
