you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
