Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize