you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
