Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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