He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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