i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
