My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
