Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize