I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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