he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize