I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
