It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
