upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
