Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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