lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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