My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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