walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
