I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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