Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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