where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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