How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
