So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
