im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
