One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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