what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
