I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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