Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
