I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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