Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
