She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
BRING THE BAGELS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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