Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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