Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
