The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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