and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
