The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
