i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
two words...techno handjob
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize