I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my liver is dry heaving
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
