i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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