I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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