Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
