you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
