billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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