Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
