If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
