There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
