If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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