wakey wakey hands off snakey
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
