cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
