i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
