we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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