i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
