so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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