I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
