I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize