the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
