everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
