i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
