all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
