and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
