There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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