Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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